I'm sitting in front of my keyboard and I'm afraid to write.
Actually, if I'm being honest with myself, it's less fear and just fatigue.
Several months ago in the wake of George Floyd's death I started a blog. While upset at what occurred, my intention was not to espouse anger. Rather, I hoped to provide some perspectives and insight into where that anger might be coming from as well as some views on how to move forward.
I circulated the blog among my friends and colleagues, and it as well received. When those words reached beyond their initial audience I expected some level of backlash to be sure. Still, even I didn't anticipate the intensity of the hate speech and comments that I received from some (anonymous) corners.
It was disheartening, to say the least.
I have tried to live a life where my North Star has been integrity and service. While I have been reasonably successful career-wise, my success has been limited when compared to those around me because "do the right thing" and "take care of people" are more than just convenient slogans or buzzwords for me. Choosing the harder right over the easier wrong may be reward in and of itself, but it has its impacts. When your profession and your passion are to Keep People Safe and those around you don't share that commitment; when you're hired to create and foster that safe environment and are then asked to ignore the bad things; or when when leaders cross the line between positive spin and outright lying, it's hard to be the lone voice of protest. It's even harder when you're the lone person of color on the senior staff.
When I retired from senior executive roles I symbolically hung up my sword and shield. I couldn't stop completely, that's never been my nature. It was time, though, to move from the front lines to being the Old Man who taught the next generation. In all things. Time to stop marching and start donating. Time to stop shouting and start teaching.
Then came George Floyd.
And Ahmaud Aubery.
Breonna Taylor. I haven't seen levels of hatred or division like this in my 50+ years on this planet...
...or maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe it's always been there, but it had been driven below the surface as an ever-present undercurrent just waiting to erupt. Maybe all that has changed is that it has become acceptable again to openly disparage and denigrate differences in belief and ideology. Maybe the Great Experiment that this Republic represents is finally over...
...no. I'm not willing to believe that, not just yet. While the American Dream has never been equally available nor equally shared, I still believe that the tenets and ideals upon which this nation was founded are still some of the most hopeful and heartening in the world. I believe that the Constitution (to which I once swore an oath to support and defend) is still worth fighting for, and that those who would attempt to decontextualize portions of the document in support of myopic agendas or power grabs are beneath contempt. I believe that there is a framework for justice and equality for all in this document and in this nation, but such things must be fought for and never taken for granted.
I believe that there are forces at play today -- on all sides, mind you -- who are more focused on achieving or maintaining power versus realizing the vision and true potential of this nation and its people. These forces would pit us against one another; would focus on our differences and would make us afraid of our neighbors. They would convince you that disagreement is either a tacit admission of treason or a lack or moral character.
This is not who we are.
This is not who we achieve greatness.
See, this nation is already great. It has been been for much of its history. We only stray from greatness when we lose our center and forget who we are and what we are about. "Great" does not mean "perfect" though. Not by a longshot. We still have much work to do. Nonviolent protests should be reminders of that work and spur us on to making tangible change.
My sword is tarnished and my shield is dented, they are off the wall once again. There need to be more voices of reason and compassion in this world. We need to sort through the endless streams of data that are coming at us in search of information, knowledge, and (above all) wisdom. We cannot succumb to the cavalcade of hatred that seeks to cow into silence or paint as fools.
Above all else, we cannot lose hope...that is what those who would divide us really want If we lose hope we don't "show up." If we lose hope, we stay silent. If we lose hope we stop fighting.
If we lose hope the forces which would divide us will win. We can't allow that.
Time to stand in the gap once more.
I hope you'll join me.
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